It's great fun, most of the time, writing and doing what I like doing... especially when everything is going right, and the paragraphs are looking better than they ever did before, and I think I am going to finish the project ahead of schedule, so I go ahead and adjust my expectations... then the mania runs out... and I get stuck on the same section for one day, two days, three days... back to it on the fifth day, then sixth... then again on the eight... ad nauseum, so I just delete the whole damn thing, the entire troublesome section, okay now what? I find that the momentum is broken and the confidence is undermined, because I cannot write! What happened to my winning streak? Can I ever get it back? I want to write like how i was writing before that bloody section again!
But of course, there isn't a switch, or ignition key, or a petrol pedal to step on to rev up the engine again. I try to write when i don't feel like writing, and everything i write will be shit... so i think to myself, okay, I might as well just sleep... or... go for that long overdue doctor's check up! okay! yes! how constructive! plus, I get to take a break from my everyday routine!
Alas! The doctor had to go and find something in my body, that's not supposed to be there and we decide to take them out next month, so, i go home, a little confused, and spend the next week worrying about it being cancerous, until the initial tests comes out and luckily, phew! it's not cancerous! i tell myself carpe diem man, but I still don't feel like writing, probably because of the pressure. so i research and read about grants and literary agents, and then i'm reminded of how hard it is for a writer to really make it, and then i think about how life would have been if i were still having a 9-to-5 job then i wouldn't have to worry about grants and i could enjoy the 7 days of medical leave that would have been the best thing about surgeries and shit but the piece of MC is now as meaningless as meaninglessness is to a writer working from home - i.e. it's probably relevant to some aspect of my life, but actually useless since i can't use it in the piece of writing i'm currently toiling over.
Tsk. but yes, okay, let's not go back there. basically, just go and get the gunk out like it's a root canal operation or something and get it over and done with. Since i'm feeling okay about it, it's time for me to finally tell my family that i'm going for the surgery, then they want to fuss over me, so i let them, and they tell me to eat more nutritious food, so i agree and research about food that's good for concentration and brain power, because i need that to help me write, so i conclude that i should take some good quality omega 3 to improve my writing, you know, then, apparently, this omega 3 business is very complicated because there are a lot of different sources, i go and buy some flax meal because of the marine toxins of fish oil, but then i find that they don't work as well so i have to go back and look for some fish oil but which fish oil, there are so many in the market, what DHA, LHL, EPA, HUH? AH! just buy something and hope for the best, and don't worry so much about the money, because you can't put a price on health, mental health, and maybe worry about the neglected blog and how to update it, to do the last month of absence any justice? I think... I shall begin with a catchy title about writing, and about how it all began:
Writing is spending 2 weeks agonising over "that section" then deleting it altogether...
