[drafted on April 18, 2019 but not posted]

Hello! It’s been almost a year since I updated, but it’s because I’ve been working and studying, and in between things, and not expecting anybody to check in, and thinking what to do with the website and thinking about blogging like how I used to write, with those little stories, and inventing characters like Xiaohui and Sophie.

They are two girls, sometimes women, but sometimes girls, and they once had a conversation. Sophie is Euramerican, sometimes American, sometimes British, sometimes french, whatever, you get what I mean. and Xiaohui is Asian, sometimes Chinese, sometimes a Chinese immigrant, in Singapore, or wherever. So they know each other, and they will have some interactions. Once they had a conversation about skin colour.

Sophie told Xiaohui that the Asians are laughable for adoring pale skins, and insinuated that it was a manifestation of some post-colonial traumatic stress disorder. But Xiaohui laughed at Sophie and explained that the ancient Chinese had always liked fair skin, it’s a traditional aesthetic, and it is because of this tradition that they are taken with Caucasians’ skin colour.

Neither of them were persuaded to consider the others’ point of view. And that’s part of why they are fun characters to write.

I’ve also been thinking of revamping the website and so on, and I made some headway and then I over think, then feel kind of stuck, right?

I did make a version of Notions #3 but it didn’t feel right, then stuck again.

I dont’ know where I was and where I was going, and where I am and where I am going but I’ve realised what I had been doing which was a kind of running, but I’ve stopped and that’s why I’m back. I don’t know at which point I needed to pretend to know, but it was probably because I was confused and got lost.

Teacher say, no need to know everything. a person who knows perfectly well what he is to do, and how to do it, is useless already. If you already know how a painting is going to turn out, then there’s no need to paint it already.

Last night, or a few nights ago, I was listening to Neil Gaiman on an audio book, and he said almost a similar thing. He also said he regretted not enjoying himself. So I must remember to enjoy myself.

Actually my life is very fun, even though I have a lot of things to do. It becomes less fun when I feel like I “must” or “should” do something out of obligation and whatever, for money or whatever, but look, I don’t update my blog and website for over a year, so what?

No real difference, actually, come on. If you judge me for it, then you are missing the point, but that’s okay, because I also miss the point sometimes.

Today I updated my website name to meekfreak and I think i’m happier with it than with my full name, but then again, it’s also the same, although it’s different.

Let’s see how it goes. Things are difficult, but also also simple.

Happy 2019! I almost wanted to wait for a full year to pass but for what. who cares. nobody cares. that’d be missing the point again!